Things are going pretty well, but not perfect.
This week I have given a pre-emptive spanking every day before work and we had sex Monday and Tuesday afterwards (today, I didn't have time for sex. . just the spanking.) Monday, the sex was very good. Tuesday, she was less into it and tired -- but she posted on her blog that it was good to get "connected" by making love after the spankings.
We recieved our ALDD book and I read most of it. The frontal and anal discipline was very interesting -- mainly b/c I would not have thought of it myself due to thinking the frontal would hurt too much and the anal would be no big deal. The book explained very well how to do this safely and effectively. Sunday night, I tried both out on her as an experiment, very softly at first, to see what it would feel like and discuss the effectiveness, pressure, pain, etc so that we could decide together if these were disciplines that would be effective, safe, and acceptable.
Monday morning, during my pre-emptive spanking, I used both frontal, anal, and bottom discipline. We discussed it later and she explained that the frontal and anal hurts more than the bottom, but that a slow bottom spanking would more likely cause crying. I hope to try this out in her maintenance spanking tonight or tomorrow night. I do not know which night it will be b/c she has a massage scheduled for tonight and if she has it, I don't want to ruin it by giving her a maintenance spanking -- I will do it tomorrow. Her hip, back, and leg have been sore from excersicing lately so I have been a little hesitant to give her a full discipline.
She has been very good in some asepcts of our new life. The house is cleaner than it has EVER been and laundry is usually getting done. She is spending more time with the kids and hopes to start cooking with and for them this week.
She says she is being more respectful to me, but my opinion is that she is being less attacking to me. She is right -- she does not yell or put me down as much, but her natural reaction and tone is not what I would call respectful. It often implies that she thinks I am stupid. She says it is not disrespectful, but she would not talk to a boss at work this way or her parent if she were a child or even to a stranger -- Now, do I want either of these relationships with my wife -- no, but I do sometimes use it as a measuring stick as to whether she is speaking respectfully.
The negatives that are still there are that I think she is slightly disrespectful at times. No laundry was done yesterday b/c she was on the phone literrally all day -- though she had a good reason to be on the phone, it is cordless and she could have done laundry while doing it. She also has not been as "into me" as she was last week. I kind of hate that it takes physical punishment for her to show her affection for me or even the risk of physical punishment. I still haven't wrapped my arms around it. But I am trying. I have wanted to hug, kiss, cuddle with her for as long as I can remember. She acted the same way last week and it was like a dream. I want that back and I want it for the rest of my life. Is beating her really the only way? Attacking her physcially and emotionally?
I know she wants to improve in all aspects of her home life, kids, cleaning, cooking, affection for me. She needs a figuritive kick in the ass and possibly a literal kick in the ass. She is like a drug addict, trying to kick her addiction of laziness. She was lazy in the house, with the kids, and with her love an appreciation for me. She knows this and wants to change it and I love that. She is a lot better with the house, better with the kids, and occasionally better with me.
I may be asking too much, but treating me "not as badly as she used to" is not excatly what I want for my life. I want her to treat me affectionetly and lovingly. I got that last week. But not this week. When she looks at me, the glow of pride and love is not there anymore. . . it is the same it used to be.
Part of this problem is that she has said that I'm a wimp and that she loved the strenght I showed last week. Well 2 problems with that. When I speak to her now as I did then, she laughs a little and says it is not believeable. It is the same as last week, but then it was new and exciting. Also, I don't discipline her enough, but I feel bad for doing it sometimes or she or I are busy with things in our life that do not allow for an hour and a half of discipline. We tried a short version Friday and it did not go as well.
We have discussed the idea of taking baby steps and not expecing her to be like an LDD wife of 10 years after 10 days. We've also discussed that she won't get there unless I am more strict.
I'm open to thoughts of others in this lifestyle.
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If you "want her to treat me affectionately and lovingly, " you have to treat her the same way. I think you're moving too fast adding ALDD so soon. Most women don't want to be humiliated. She wants to be spanked but reality is different from fantasy. Add submission spankings take control and stop the anal rape as punishment.
ReplyDeleteSean
I think that during any discipline is definitely not the time to discuss what she wants or doesn't want. HOWEVER, I do think that she should have brought it up beforehand. It may be that she would feel more secure if you only spanked her bottom but again, this should be discussed before or after a discipline session. Also, when you lose your temper she is losing respect for you. Just make a decision and stick to it. She really wants to know you are in CONTROL. That's the whole reason for this lifestyle. I think she would rather you be too dominant than not dominant enough and when you don't follow through she is feeling neglected and that you are too weak to control her. Children feel the same way when boundaries aren't consistently used. I've even had my clients who are children tell me as much. If a child can voice understanding of this need for consistency then I'm sure it is plain to adult women too. But it's not so easy for adults to admit. And you don't want her to be a child. You want her to be responsible and do her best. You don't need another child and I'm sure her behaving like one doesn't turn you on. This can really only be satisfying if you are both willing to put aside childish ways and decide to be mature and responsible adults. So, I'm being the bitch that writes these nasty comments for the benefit of both of you. I do hope it helps. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteI think you need to avoid the trap of thinking that DD solves ALLLL marital issues. DD solves SOME marital issues, but it still doesn't replace communication, sensitivity, availability, etc.
ReplyDeleteThe same way that you dislike the idea that everything good in your marriage would have to come from beating your wife, your wife is eventually going to dislike the idea that all conflicts are solved by DD. Your wife liked seeing you step up to the plate and use DD, but that is only one part of a multifaceted emotional connection between you two. DD can be part of your healing journey together, but you still have to get to the root of any places your wife feels that you are difficult for her to get along with, or places she feels you are insensitive to her, or whatever. You can't just look at all that as "disrespect" and bypass the work of becoming a better person yourself that really connects well with her heart. So, punish her for things that show she has taken disrespect to a level that is not allowable between you - for instance if she swears at you or snaps at you or doesn't do the chores, you can make this a nonnegotiable - which she wants and craves - but if you guys have built up hostility between each other, you have to get to the root of what has come between you to begin with, not just treat the symptom of disrespect that is on the surface. And this will take you actively listening to her complaints towards you, if they are done in an appropriate, respectful way.