I'd like some feedback on some random thoughts.
During this morning's pre-emptive discipline, I was spanking her bottom. I asked her to open herself up (meaning spread her cheeks, which usually has meant anal and/or frontal discipline). She commented that I can't do this every time, it should only be for certain reasons or times. Now I agree with this and was not planning on doing it, but now thinking about it, should I have disciplined her for saying this. After all, she is not in charge of how she gets disciplined . . . I am. We have agreed that we can discuss these issues after disciplines or other times, but not during. I don't think I will let this happen again.
Last night, we had nothing to do by 8. We both just sat watching tv that we didn't really care about and she caught up on some reading she really wanted to do. I was bored. I thought of giving her a maintenance spanking. Not because it was necessarily due, but because a)we rarely have an entire evening for it, b) I wanted my affectionate wife back, and c) I was bored. a and b might be good reasons, but I ended up not doing it because I thought (c) was a bad reason and because she really has been pretty good lately and I knew she really wanted to catch up on her reading and I felt bad for taking her away from it. What should I have done?
I'm nervous that her mindset is that this was a fun game for a bit, but she is getting bored with it. She has almost no reaction to the pre-emptive spankings in the morning. Are they working? She seems almost immune to the physical aspect of this lifestyle.
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May I suggest you dump maintenance spankings for submission spankings then you can make love and satisfy each other afterwards. That's all we do now on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteSpankings are arousing and since you love your wife you don't want to turn her off to sex with BJs and anal sex that leaves her frustrated. Anal and/or frontal discipline can be arousing if done gently.
Sean
Annal discipline can cause incontinence as well as rupture the small intestine - ask a Doctor it's even on the LDD site in one of the post. http://lovingdd.blogspot.com/2005/04/maintenance-discipline.html#c391291507178231939
ReplyDeleteThe Aldd book is extreme BDSM if you want BDSM and your wife agrees you should start slow and learn what is safe and what is not. I don't think you want to permanently injure your wife.
Do a Google search for the Aldd book and you will find that is is either being denounced by DD groups or being sold as BDSM
There are other groups such as taken in hand that are more about DD
Submission spankings are good also try a stress relief spanking.
I think you did what you should have done. You are now taking responsibility for her total well-being and happiness. Keep a diary and note where you were, where you are going, and a plan to get there. It takes at least 30 days to change a behavior and 90 to make it any kind of a permanent thing. Give it time. There are lots of ways, though, to gain her respect. You do not need to act like some meany dom. Be firm. Consistant. Ask her questions calmly, but make sure she knows you aren't playing. Trying sending texts during the day with small instructions - some sexual to spice things up and keep her thinking about you. But, remember we all have tanks that require a lot of different kinds of filling. If you want all you say, you will have to spend a alot of time understanding her tank and time helping to make sure it gets filled. Be patient. She will get there. This lifestyle is about being good to each other. It all takes time.
ReplyDeleteCheers.
Terri
Man...in my most humble opinion, you guys have jumped into this lifestyle way too fast. It's probably good that you are each blogging so much because that will really open up the lines of communication, but you also need to make sure that you are communicating with each other directly on a daily basis (not easy sometimes, I know, but a necessity if you're going to undertake this).
ReplyDeleteRegarding your comments - yes, you could have disciplined her further for not immediately obeying you during discipline; that is always reasonable.
However, you have to make sure that she is always able to safely communicate with you. In fact, you have to offer her a safe way to communicate anything she wants to about this; even during discipline. And it should be YOU who teaches her how to do this. YOU lay it out for her; don't expect her to figure this out.
And then the question really is: was she just trying to avoid something you felt was necessary and needed at the time, or is this amount of discipline overwhelming her? Imagine the freedom she is currently letting go of - for YOU. You may just need to slow down in some respects.
There are so many other easy ways to gain her submission. Ways that don't involve spanking. And you can do it with a lot of love. Example: you come home from work, you inform her that she is to come into the bedroom, you wrap her in your arms and you tell her how much you love her and what a good girl she is, and then tell her sweetly but firmly that it's important that she continue to show her HOH respect. You unzip your pants and tell her to get down on her knees and show respect to you by .............. And you can stroke her head while she does it. And it only takes a minute or two. It's not necessarily about the enjoyment, it's about submission and reconnecting.
You need to establish more of those types of things. You want to constantly make her feel connected to you. That's why she wants this to begin with. It's about showing her a lot of love. Yes, you get a lot more respect as a man, but she gets a lot more attention and love from her husband/HOH.
This is all just one subs opinion! But I've been at this for a few years now and it takes time to settle into this and get comfortable; and let me assure you, that won't happen in a week or a month. It just takes time.
Whether you were bored or not doesn't really make any difference. The other reasons were good enough! But maybe just try other options.
Sorry, I have more! You need to tailor this lifestyle to meet YOUR needs as a couple. Don't do this by someone else's standards. I personally think that the ALDD books are EXTREME. Remember, you're loving your wife; not training a dog. Not that there might not be some good ideas in those books, but you still need to recognize that those ideas are extreme humiliation in some cases.
ReplyDeleteIs this really necessary for your wife? (I don't know; maybe it is....and if she needs to be humiliated to behave better (and she will probably know the answer to that).....well, then it needs to be done, or at least some of it needs to be practiced)
Humiliation will cause her to release a lot of pent up emotion that a female holds. It causes her to have to trust you and release and connect. Not necessarily at the time you're humiliating her, but eventually. It will also cause an overwhelming feeling of, "I have to obey my man." And amazingly, that in turn, causes her to feel more in control and focused in life. So, there are benefits. Certain positions you might demand are safe, figging is quite safe, nudity is safe. A lot of it is safe and not too extreme to practice. But some of it is over the top. You just have to know what is necessary for your relationship and her.
And you can just tell her what's about to happen as long as you give her a safe way to respectfully express any fears she might have.
But, you're the man; think for yourself. Don't just do what someone else says or does. It's about tailoring it to make sure that you get the respect that you need and she gets the attention that a girl needs. (Girls need a lot of attention from their man!) And LDD works beautifully for that.
My HOH has let me know that no matter to what degree we practice this, he will ALWAYS be HOH. That's one thing that isn't going to change.
I hope you are both reading the comments. ALDD is heavy BDSM not DD and I advise against it speaking with 20 yrs experience. Love her, spank her, enjoy the intimacy. Forget about the book try getting advice from spanking classics propel. COMMUNICATE.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.spankingclassics.com/discus/messages/111/176852.html?1243969402
Don't give her a list of chores and punish her for not fulfilling them.
Sean