Quick update. My love's hip and leg are injured from a combination of her exercising and carrying around our 3 year old. She is in a lot of pain and has been for a while. Basically, what this means is that our house, laundry, and cooked meals are the same they were before we started LDD, however now there is a reason so it does not bother me as much. I don't really have anyway to discipline her for disrespect (which she is still better at) and not keeping track of money because it hurts for her to even get up.
If anyone has some ideas for non-moving, non impact disciplines, I'd like to hear it. Basically our LDD life has been put on hold for a bit. I'm not happy about it and I know she isn't either, but what can we do right now?
Our relationship is still good and I think we will continue when she feels better.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Figging
I had gone a while without giving a maintenance spanking -- a combination of my work being busy, her back/leg being really painful and bad, and me not being on top of things.
So after talking and talking about (during foreplay), our next maintenance spanking and possibly using figging, we did it. She emailed me a few weeks ago with a website about figging and how to do it (figging is inserting a ginger root into the ass, which has a slow burning and is painful).
Wednesday night we discussed doing a maintenance spanking and then I went to play softball. I don't know if she expected me to really do it that night, but as I left I told her to come up with a list of 15 things she wanted to change about her life when we started LDD and grade herself (see her blog).
So I came home Wed night from softball with a single red rose and ginger root. I gave her the red rose, kissed her and told her that I bought it b/c I loved her. And that I bought the other item in the bag b/c I loved her as well. Then I told her to go upstairs.
I had her lay naked face down on the bed with her notebook. I prepared the ginger root and went upstairs. We went through her list and I had her write in her notebook 5-20 times different phrases as I spanked her with different devices. Then when we got to the items she was the worst at, mainly her attitude and respect for me, I inserted the ginger root.
The effects were immediate. She said it burned. As we discussed things she needed to improve on, we had the ginger root inserted, me spanking her and her writing lines. At one point she begged me to remove it, I got a little worried, since this was our first time, so I removed it. I waited a minute and asked if she was ok, she said she was, so I put it back in until we were finished.
I think this was effective and she says it was, but next time to have her write in between spankings b/c all she did was write as fast as she could instead of really focusing on it. We also talked about longer figging with more intense spanking (her suggestion), so that we could get her to cry.
She wants to cry and submit. She thinks this will help her around the house, with her attitude towards me, and help her release sexually.
We will continue to work and communicate. Things are better than before we started so it is a process.
I was going to give her a maintenance tonight, but her leg/back is so bad she took some pain medication I don't want to spank her while she has an injury.
We both have talked about me being more strict and being strict at the moment her misbehavior occurs. I'll work on this.
The house is a mess and I hate knowing that I am the one who will be cleaning it -- just like before, even though it is b/c she can't bend and is in pain. So I don't blame her, but I still hate it. Tough for me to always separate the issue that it is not her fault b/c she is hurt and my aggravation of working all week, most of the weekend, and then have to clean around the house. Sucks, but not her fault this time.
So after talking and talking about (during foreplay), our next maintenance spanking and possibly using figging, we did it. She emailed me a few weeks ago with a website about figging and how to do it (figging is inserting a ginger root into the ass, which has a slow burning and is painful).
Wednesday night we discussed doing a maintenance spanking and then I went to play softball. I don't know if she expected me to really do it that night, but as I left I told her to come up with a list of 15 things she wanted to change about her life when we started LDD and grade herself (see her blog).
So I came home Wed night from softball with a single red rose and ginger root. I gave her the red rose, kissed her and told her that I bought it b/c I loved her. And that I bought the other item in the bag b/c I loved her as well. Then I told her to go upstairs.
I had her lay naked face down on the bed with her notebook. I prepared the ginger root and went upstairs. We went through her list and I had her write in her notebook 5-20 times different phrases as I spanked her with different devices. Then when we got to the items she was the worst at, mainly her attitude and respect for me, I inserted the ginger root.
The effects were immediate. She said it burned. As we discussed things she needed to improve on, we had the ginger root inserted, me spanking her and her writing lines. At one point she begged me to remove it, I got a little worried, since this was our first time, so I removed it. I waited a minute and asked if she was ok, she said she was, so I put it back in until we were finished.
I think this was effective and she says it was, but next time to have her write in between spankings b/c all she did was write as fast as she could instead of really focusing on it. We also talked about longer figging with more intense spanking (her suggestion), so that we could get her to cry.
She wants to cry and submit. She thinks this will help her around the house, with her attitude towards me, and help her release sexually.
We will continue to work and communicate. Things are better than before we started so it is a process.
I was going to give her a maintenance tonight, but her leg/back is so bad she took some pain medication I don't want to spank her while she has an injury.
We both have talked about me being more strict and being strict at the moment her misbehavior occurs. I'll work on this.
The house is a mess and I hate knowing that I am the one who will be cleaning it -- just like before, even though it is b/c she can't bend and is in pain. So I don't blame her, but I still hate it. Tough for me to always separate the issue that it is not her fault b/c she is hurt and my aggravation of working all week, most of the weekend, and then have to clean around the house. Sucks, but not her fault this time.
Thoughts on this lifestyle
My thoughts seem to change sometimes about our new lifestyle. Am I strong enough to do this. Will she ever submit. Is it just a sex game? She seems like she wants to submit and be a "good" wife, but the only time she ever talks like this is during foreplay. During the day or evening, she doesn't seem to be as into it.
This morning she said she wants to be at a full submitting point by this fall so she can wake up with me in the morning (now she stays in bed), turn on my shower, help bathe me, make me breakfast, and be up with the kids. Of course she said this during foreplay and dirty talk.
I think she thinks she is being more respectful and submissive, but I'm not always seeing it.
For instance, this morning, we were discussing our plans for the day. I wanted one schedule, she wanted another. She forcefully told me what was going to happen and that our daughter was not swimming at my parents -- not "I think this should be our plan and here's why I don't want her to swim." We talked about it later and she thought we both agreed -- this is part of her problem - she doesn't even realize how she talks to me. She thought we discussed it and I agreed, but I think she "laid down the law" and ordered me around.
Its a long process and we are at least communicating and she is certainly better, just not where I hope she would be.
This morning she said she wants to be at a full submitting point by this fall so she can wake up with me in the morning (now she stays in bed), turn on my shower, help bathe me, make me breakfast, and be up with the kids. Of course she said this during foreplay and dirty talk.
I think she thinks she is being more respectful and submissive, but I'm not always seeing it.
For instance, this morning, we were discussing our plans for the day. I wanted one schedule, she wanted another. She forcefully told me what was going to happen and that our daughter was not swimming at my parents -- not "I think this should be our plan and here's why I don't want her to swim." We talked about it later and she thought we both agreed -- this is part of her problem - she doesn't even realize how she talks to me. She thought we discussed it and I agreed, but I think she "laid down the law" and ordered me around.
Its a long process and we are at least communicating and she is certainly better, just not where I hope she would be.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
More updates
Haven't blogged since Saturday -- sorry.
Things have been very good.
Saturday night we went to dinner and a movie and had the kids sleep out. Sunday morning, we had pretty good sex. She picked up the kids and I worked. Then she came home, we were together for a little then I went back to work.
Every morning, I have given her a pre-emptive spanking, but not very hard because she has been good and also because she has had some hamstring/low back/glut pain from working out.
Monday, I came home from work and . . . she had baked a cake with the kids. She didn't tell me, I just opened the door and the smell hit me. It was awesome. Understand that my lovely wife of almost 9 years and mother of my kids for more than 5 had never just baked a cake. And better - she did it with the kids.
Our focus of the last maintenance spanking was to be better with me and spend more time with the kids. She is doing better. Monday was cake, Tuesday was the zoo, and today I came home and our 5 year old's nails were polished, dinner was made, laundry was done, and the house was clean.
Both of our mothers have asked what happened to my wife b/c they don't recognize this woman who cooks, cleans, does laundry.
So far, there have been some hiccups, but this new lifestyle has been GREAT. Laundry is good, quality timeis good, time with kids is good, and sex is good -- but that has always been pretty good. I also have found that my angst seems to be mostly gone. Last night her leg was hurting and I told her to sit and I would do stuff. I started to feel that feeling again -- where she is sitting and I'm working. But I realized it was b/c I told her to and it was all fine. If this is how life is, then I'm really looking forward to the rest of it. Also, she bought a sex swing today -- what a good wife. It will look great in our bedroom next to the stripper pole we have there for her "excersice." Yes, she has always said that she is good in THAT room. But now, she is just good all around.
I think she needs another maintenance spanking soon. We'll let you all know
Things have been very good.
Saturday night we went to dinner and a movie and had the kids sleep out. Sunday morning, we had pretty good sex. She picked up the kids and I worked. Then she came home, we were together for a little then I went back to work.
Every morning, I have given her a pre-emptive spanking, but not very hard because she has been good and also because she has had some hamstring/low back/glut pain from working out.
Monday, I came home from work and . . . she had baked a cake with the kids. She didn't tell me, I just opened the door and the smell hit me. It was awesome. Understand that my lovely wife of almost 9 years and mother of my kids for more than 5 had never just baked a cake. And better - she did it with the kids.
Our focus of the last maintenance spanking was to be better with me and spend more time with the kids. She is doing better. Monday was cake, Tuesday was the zoo, and today I came home and our 5 year old's nails were polished, dinner was made, laundry was done, and the house was clean.
Both of our mothers have asked what happened to my wife b/c they don't recognize this woman who cooks, cleans, does laundry.
So far, there have been some hiccups, but this new lifestyle has been GREAT. Laundry is good, quality timeis good, time with kids is good, and sex is good -- but that has always been pretty good. I also have found that my angst seems to be mostly gone. Last night her leg was hurting and I told her to sit and I would do stuff. I started to feel that feeling again -- where she is sitting and I'm working. But I realized it was b/c I told her to and it was all fine. If this is how life is, then I'm really looking forward to the rest of it. Also, she bought a sex swing today -- what a good wife. It will look great in our bedroom next to the stripper pole we have there for her "excersice." Yes, she has always said that she is good in THAT room. But now, she is just good all around.
I think she needs another maintenance spanking soon. We'll let you all know
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Friday
Friday was much better. After we had our argument Thursday, we were better Friday. We have always had a knack for getting past arguments.
I met her and my parents for dinner and we put the kids to bed. I had read her posts and planned to just kind of start over tonight.
After putting the kids to bed, she said she had to send an email. I came down and asked if she had finished her email -- I wanted to give her a chance to do what she needed to do. What I had not told her or discussed, was that I was going to do her maintenance spanking tonight. We neeeded to keep trying.
So I asked her if she was done with her email. Then I told her to close her computer and go upstairs, b/c she was getting her maintenance spanking. I think she was a little suprised and was about to balk, but she complied. We went up and I did a slow spanking. I spanked her for 1/2 hour. We talked during and I complimented her progress on the house. She has made the most progress on the house. Some progress with the kids, but her focus of the house has taken away from time with the kids. And her worst progress is her interaction with me. We discussed it and I told her I would work on my end and she would work on hers.
When we were done, she curled into my arms. It was fantastic. I could tell we were connected and she was into me again. We just kept hugging tighter and tighter for 5 or so minutes. She then went down on me and gave me oral. I then went down on her and did the same. Then we made love.
Another succesful moment in LDD.
Cross your fingers for us because when it is good, this has been really good.
(FYI - Both my wife and I appreciate the comments people have left. However, we can't figure out how to post on our own blogs or each others. Anyone who can tell us how to do it. We'd appreciate it. We type in the box and then it asks for an ID and it doesn't take ours.)
I met her and my parents for dinner and we put the kids to bed. I had read her posts and planned to just kind of start over tonight.
After putting the kids to bed, she said she had to send an email. I came down and asked if she had finished her email -- I wanted to give her a chance to do what she needed to do. What I had not told her or discussed, was that I was going to do her maintenance spanking tonight. We neeeded to keep trying.
So I asked her if she was done with her email. Then I told her to close her computer and go upstairs, b/c she was getting her maintenance spanking. I think she was a little suprised and was about to balk, but she complied. We went up and I did a slow spanking. I spanked her for 1/2 hour. We talked during and I complimented her progress on the house. She has made the most progress on the house. Some progress with the kids, but her focus of the house has taken away from time with the kids. And her worst progress is her interaction with me. We discussed it and I told her I would work on my end and she would work on hers.
When we were done, she curled into my arms. It was fantastic. I could tell we were connected and she was into me again. We just kept hugging tighter and tighter for 5 or so minutes. She then went down on me and gave me oral. I then went down on her and did the same. Then we made love.
Another succesful moment in LDD.
Cross your fingers for us because when it is good, this has been really good.
(FYI - Both my wife and I appreciate the comments people have left. However, we can't figure out how to post on our own blogs or each others. Anyone who can tell us how to do it. We'd appreciate it. We type in the box and then it asks for an ID and it doesn't take ours.)
Updates
For those of you reading my wife's blog (http://www.adoreshoh.blogspot.com/), you read her version of Thursday night. We are trying to communicate and have sometimes found it better through blogs. It opens up our communiation and lets us think without a back and forth. Helpful.
Thursday we were supposed to have a maintenance spanking. I came home and she had worked really hard cleaning the pantry. I knew she had worked at it all day. The cleaning lady was coming Friday -- yes, we have someone come clean the house once every two weeks and all we have to do is straighten up so that she can clean (mop, dust, etc.). Normally, this is an event that does not start until after the kids go to bed and can last until 1 or 2 AM. In the past, I would come home to a messy house, hear that my love had no time during the day to clean b/c she was taking care of the kids, so I would come home from work, bring home dinner, put the kids to bed, and then we would clean. Obviously not the best scenario. So I was excited all week that the house was looking great and I would not have any work to do Thursday night. I might even get to go play some poker after some maintenance spanking and making love -- or watch a movie with the Mrs.
Well, I had a shitty day at work, which is happening a lot lately. Nothing bad, just very stressful. I have a stressful high paced job that I've learned to manage well, but there are days, weeks, etc. that it gets even more high paced and I do not always deal well with it.
So I spoke with her from work adn talked to her about her cooking the pork chops that were in the fridge and were going to go bad, she said she didn't know how and maybe she would. I explained that the directions were on the box (shake n bake), but I would email them to her. So I sent her an email and was really excited about dinner being cooked for me and not having to clean.
Later I called her and she was still working on the pantry and had not spent any time with the kids. I knew the pantry was a huge undertaking and understood that she was focused on it and didn't mind the non attentiviness to the kids that day. She said she was still working on it so I left work a little early. On teh way home, we spoke and I ended up offering to come home and do the cooking b/c she was still working on the pantry.
I got home and saw the pantry was awesome!! I told her how great it was and a what a good job it was. She had 4 huge trash bags full of crap in the kitchen and told me they were too heavy for her to carry to the garage and I said I would do it later -- no problem. I then enjoyed making dinner and even tried to make asparagus in the oven for the first time. We talked about seasonings, worked together . . . it was great. During this, our 3 year old was having his HUGE breakdown in the corner. We have worked on not giving him attention when he does this, but it is certainly tough. I kept my cool and patience and made a good dinner and was happy.
During dinner, neither kid wanted to eat what we made, the younger one was still crabby, and I started to lose my patience a little -- but was still ok. She started doing the dishes and I cleared the table and then she said her back was hurting. I happily told her that she could go take a breek and I would do it.
Then, as Im doing dishes, I had one of those moments that I have sometimes. Like a slow switch. I realized what time it was, calculated in my head how long it would take to finish all the things I had to do before I got to sit down and relax for the first time all day -- the dishes, then put the kids to bed, then straighten the house (b/c even though it was as clean as it has ever been at this point on a Thursday, there was still work to be done), plus carry the bags outside to the trash, plus let the dogs out, feed the dogs, and who knows what else would come up. This was adding up to me not being able to sit for a long time. And the kids were watching tv and she was laying on the couch (granted b/c she was hurting). But when I was in the kitchen doing this, and thinking about this, I started to feel like I used to feel when I would be cleaning/cooking/laundry/whatever while she was on the couch and the kids were watching tv. I was getting anxious b/c I knew that I would not be able to "sit down and relax" for hours. It sucked. Then I finished the dishes and tried to put the kids to bed. Her back was hurting so I got the honor of changing the 3 year old's diaper. He was not in the mood for that and was fighting me and kicking me. At first, I was calm, but quickly started to lose it. The diaper had to be changed and I was being kicked by a pretty strong kid who was twisting and kicking. I got pissed. We put the kids to bed and then straighened up the bedroom. It was getting later and later. It did not take long (by comparison to other weeks) but I still had not "sat down yet." Then we decide the house is ok and we go downstairs. She sits and opens her computer. She finally "gets to sit" and she deserved it. Well, I deserved it too, but my work was not done. I had to go get the dogs from downstairs and let them out. Then I had to do take out the 4 bags of garbage that were too heavy for her to lift.
If you asked me my biggest pet peeve 2 weeks ago (before LDD) it would be doing something around the house while my wife sits there and watches and doesn't even offer to help.
Well here I was again and feeling the same way -- though this time it was not really her fault.
So I take the dogs out and lift the first bag of trash. As I apply even a little pressure into lifting it, the bottom completely breaks and cans, packages, and loose cheerios pours all over the floor. I exclaim (wife says I yelled in a way to blame her, I don't recall that, but I'll take her word for it). Why do I take her word for it? Well I don't remember my words, but I remember my thoughts. "God dang it V, you loaded the bag too heavy and look at this. Now I have to clean it up. Just great" Or something to that effect.
She came in very annoyed with what I thought at the time was annoyance that I would dare be upset about having to clean up after a broken trash bag and heaven forbid that I would blame her for it b/c after all she worked really hard today. Great. She worked hard today. Great. She has been doing a lot better. But Shit. Instead of using 4 trash bags, she could have used 8. Is this the end of the world? No. Is it something in and of itself to be that upset about? No. Did it happen at the end of a long day while I was still working around the house and she was sitting down and it was her "fault" (no she didnt' do it on purpose, but it wasn't my fault for lifting the bag. So let's face it. A stranger didn't come in and fill a bag with 100 pounds of canned goods, it wasn't an act of natrure like a tornado, so who's fault was it?). She came in, made a comment about me being a jerk or something and then turned around and went back to sitting. She was pissed at me for being a jerk (see her blog) and in pain from her back so she wasn't going to help. I would have at least liked an offer to help. I felt like it was before HOH. If she had said. "Wow, sorry. I didn't realize it was so full." or "that sucks, I can't bend over, but can I help?" Or anything besides basically "your an asshole, its your fault, clean it up yourself." MY FAULT???? How the FUCK is this my fault? This is what I thought. I wasn't mad at her for doing it, I understood how it could happen (even in the state of mind I was in, I knew this). But MY FAULT? Are you fucking kidding me? I toughed the top of the bag, grabbed it, began to lift, and BAM. My fault? Well, needless to say, that was teh beginning of the end. I cleaned up, threw all the bags out and finally. . . finally had all my "chores" done. It was too late to go out, too late for a movie, and too pissed off to do maintanance spanking.
Then I tried to talk to her. I had one of those times where I become calmer -- mainly b/c she is pissed. She completely shut down emotionally, was pissed and warned me to leave her alone or she would make me cry -- through emotional attacks. In the past, I have learned to leave her alone and usually do a good job of it, but not that night. I was too much of a combination of pissy and wanting to have the better marriage where we talk throught things. I have always been the one who wants to talk and share. She shuts down, rolls her eyes, makes fun a little, and threatens to hurt my feelings. . . then hurts my feelings. I know this is a defense mechanism and it is her natural response to protect herself -- she is much more sensitive then people think and more than she lets on. I just wish she didn't feel the need to protect herself emotionally from me -- a wish that I will have to work on. We've talked and she will try to open up more, but I need to be more conscious of this issue and show her that I am a safe place. I don't know if she has ever really given me a chance. She cna come to me about other people, but she shuts down when it comes to me. .. . we will work together on this.
Thursday we were supposed to have a maintenance spanking. I came home and she had worked really hard cleaning the pantry. I knew she had worked at it all day. The cleaning lady was coming Friday -- yes, we have someone come clean the house once every two weeks and all we have to do is straighten up so that she can clean (mop, dust, etc.). Normally, this is an event that does not start until after the kids go to bed and can last until 1 or 2 AM. In the past, I would come home to a messy house, hear that my love had no time during the day to clean b/c she was taking care of the kids, so I would come home from work, bring home dinner, put the kids to bed, and then we would clean. Obviously not the best scenario. So I was excited all week that the house was looking great and I would not have any work to do Thursday night. I might even get to go play some poker after some maintenance spanking and making love -- or watch a movie with the Mrs.
Well, I had a shitty day at work, which is happening a lot lately. Nothing bad, just very stressful. I have a stressful high paced job that I've learned to manage well, but there are days, weeks, etc. that it gets even more high paced and I do not always deal well with it.
So I spoke with her from work adn talked to her about her cooking the pork chops that were in the fridge and were going to go bad, she said she didn't know how and maybe she would. I explained that the directions were on the box (shake n bake), but I would email them to her. So I sent her an email and was really excited about dinner being cooked for me and not having to clean.
Later I called her and she was still working on the pantry and had not spent any time with the kids. I knew the pantry was a huge undertaking and understood that she was focused on it and didn't mind the non attentiviness to the kids that day. She said she was still working on it so I left work a little early. On teh way home, we spoke and I ended up offering to come home and do the cooking b/c she was still working on the pantry.
I got home and saw the pantry was awesome!! I told her how great it was and a what a good job it was. She had 4 huge trash bags full of crap in the kitchen and told me they were too heavy for her to carry to the garage and I said I would do it later -- no problem. I then enjoyed making dinner and even tried to make asparagus in the oven for the first time. We talked about seasonings, worked together . . . it was great. During this, our 3 year old was having his HUGE breakdown in the corner. We have worked on not giving him attention when he does this, but it is certainly tough. I kept my cool and patience and made a good dinner and was happy.
During dinner, neither kid wanted to eat what we made, the younger one was still crabby, and I started to lose my patience a little -- but was still ok. She started doing the dishes and I cleared the table and then she said her back was hurting. I happily told her that she could go take a breek and I would do it.
Then, as Im doing dishes, I had one of those moments that I have sometimes. Like a slow switch. I realized what time it was, calculated in my head how long it would take to finish all the things I had to do before I got to sit down and relax for the first time all day -- the dishes, then put the kids to bed, then straighten the house (b/c even though it was as clean as it has ever been at this point on a Thursday, there was still work to be done), plus carry the bags outside to the trash, plus let the dogs out, feed the dogs, and who knows what else would come up. This was adding up to me not being able to sit for a long time. And the kids were watching tv and she was laying on the couch (granted b/c she was hurting). But when I was in the kitchen doing this, and thinking about this, I started to feel like I used to feel when I would be cleaning/cooking/laundry/whatever while she was on the couch and the kids were watching tv. I was getting anxious b/c I knew that I would not be able to "sit down and relax" for hours. It sucked. Then I finished the dishes and tried to put the kids to bed. Her back was hurting so I got the honor of changing the 3 year old's diaper. He was not in the mood for that and was fighting me and kicking me. At first, I was calm, but quickly started to lose it. The diaper had to be changed and I was being kicked by a pretty strong kid who was twisting and kicking. I got pissed. We put the kids to bed and then straighened up the bedroom. It was getting later and later. It did not take long (by comparison to other weeks) but I still had not "sat down yet." Then we decide the house is ok and we go downstairs. She sits and opens her computer. She finally "gets to sit" and she deserved it. Well, I deserved it too, but my work was not done. I had to go get the dogs from downstairs and let them out. Then I had to do take out the 4 bags of garbage that were too heavy for her to lift.
If you asked me my biggest pet peeve 2 weeks ago (before LDD) it would be doing something around the house while my wife sits there and watches and doesn't even offer to help.
Well here I was again and feeling the same way -- though this time it was not really her fault.
So I take the dogs out and lift the first bag of trash. As I apply even a little pressure into lifting it, the bottom completely breaks and cans, packages, and loose cheerios pours all over the floor. I exclaim (wife says I yelled in a way to blame her, I don't recall that, but I'll take her word for it). Why do I take her word for it? Well I don't remember my words, but I remember my thoughts. "God dang it V, you loaded the bag too heavy and look at this. Now I have to clean it up. Just great" Or something to that effect.
She came in very annoyed with what I thought at the time was annoyance that I would dare be upset about having to clean up after a broken trash bag and heaven forbid that I would blame her for it b/c after all she worked really hard today. Great. She worked hard today. Great. She has been doing a lot better. But Shit. Instead of using 4 trash bags, she could have used 8. Is this the end of the world? No. Is it something in and of itself to be that upset about? No. Did it happen at the end of a long day while I was still working around the house and she was sitting down and it was her "fault" (no she didnt' do it on purpose, but it wasn't my fault for lifting the bag. So let's face it. A stranger didn't come in and fill a bag with 100 pounds of canned goods, it wasn't an act of natrure like a tornado, so who's fault was it?). She came in, made a comment about me being a jerk or something and then turned around and went back to sitting. She was pissed at me for being a jerk (see her blog) and in pain from her back so she wasn't going to help. I would have at least liked an offer to help. I felt like it was before HOH. If she had said. "Wow, sorry. I didn't realize it was so full." or "that sucks, I can't bend over, but can I help?" Or anything besides basically "your an asshole, its your fault, clean it up yourself." MY FAULT???? How the FUCK is this my fault? This is what I thought. I wasn't mad at her for doing it, I understood how it could happen (even in the state of mind I was in, I knew this). But MY FAULT? Are you fucking kidding me? I toughed the top of the bag, grabbed it, began to lift, and BAM. My fault? Well, needless to say, that was teh beginning of the end. I cleaned up, threw all the bags out and finally. . . finally had all my "chores" done. It was too late to go out, too late for a movie, and too pissed off to do maintanance spanking.
Then I tried to talk to her. I had one of those times where I become calmer -- mainly b/c she is pissed. She completely shut down emotionally, was pissed and warned me to leave her alone or she would make me cry -- through emotional attacks. In the past, I have learned to leave her alone and usually do a good job of it, but not that night. I was too much of a combination of pissy and wanting to have the better marriage where we talk throught things. I have always been the one who wants to talk and share. She shuts down, rolls her eyes, makes fun a little, and threatens to hurt my feelings. . . then hurts my feelings. I know this is a defense mechanism and it is her natural response to protect herself -- she is much more sensitive then people think and more than she lets on. I just wish she didn't feel the need to protect herself emotionally from me -- a wish that I will have to work on. We've talked and she will try to open up more, but I need to be more conscious of this issue and show her that I am a safe place. I don't know if she has ever really given me a chance. She cna come to me about other people, but she shuts down when it comes to me. .. . we will work together on this.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Some random thoughts
I'd like some feedback on some random thoughts.
During this morning's pre-emptive discipline, I was spanking her bottom. I asked her to open herself up (meaning spread her cheeks, which usually has meant anal and/or frontal discipline). She commented that I can't do this every time, it should only be for certain reasons or times. Now I agree with this and was not planning on doing it, but now thinking about it, should I have disciplined her for saying this. After all, she is not in charge of how she gets disciplined . . . I am. We have agreed that we can discuss these issues after disciplines or other times, but not during. I don't think I will let this happen again.
Last night, we had nothing to do by 8. We both just sat watching tv that we didn't really care about and she caught up on some reading she really wanted to do. I was bored. I thought of giving her a maintenance spanking. Not because it was necessarily due, but because a)we rarely have an entire evening for it, b) I wanted my affectionate wife back, and c) I was bored. a and b might be good reasons, but I ended up not doing it because I thought (c) was a bad reason and because she really has been pretty good lately and I knew she really wanted to catch up on her reading and I felt bad for taking her away from it. What should I have done?
I'm nervous that her mindset is that this was a fun game for a bit, but she is getting bored with it. She has almost no reaction to the pre-emptive spankings in the morning. Are they working? She seems almost immune to the physical aspect of this lifestyle.
During this morning's pre-emptive discipline, I was spanking her bottom. I asked her to open herself up (meaning spread her cheeks, which usually has meant anal and/or frontal discipline). She commented that I can't do this every time, it should only be for certain reasons or times. Now I agree with this and was not planning on doing it, but now thinking about it, should I have disciplined her for saying this. After all, she is not in charge of how she gets disciplined . . . I am. We have agreed that we can discuss these issues after disciplines or other times, but not during. I don't think I will let this happen again.
Last night, we had nothing to do by 8. We both just sat watching tv that we didn't really care about and she caught up on some reading she really wanted to do. I was bored. I thought of giving her a maintenance spanking. Not because it was necessarily due, but because a)we rarely have an entire evening for it, b) I wanted my affectionate wife back, and c) I was bored. a and b might be good reasons, but I ended up not doing it because I thought (c) was a bad reason and because she really has been pretty good lately and I knew she really wanted to catch up on her reading and I felt bad for taking her away from it. What should I have done?
I'm nervous that her mindset is that this was a fun game for a bit, but she is getting bored with it. She has almost no reaction to the pre-emptive spankings in the morning. Are they working? She seems almost immune to the physical aspect of this lifestyle.
Update
Things are going pretty well, but not perfect.
This week I have given a pre-emptive spanking every day before work and we had sex Monday and Tuesday afterwards (today, I didn't have time for sex. . just the spanking.) Monday, the sex was very good. Tuesday, she was less into it and tired -- but she posted on her blog that it was good to get "connected" by making love after the spankings.
We recieved our ALDD book and I read most of it. The frontal and anal discipline was very interesting -- mainly b/c I would not have thought of it myself due to thinking the frontal would hurt too much and the anal would be no big deal. The book explained very well how to do this safely and effectively. Sunday night, I tried both out on her as an experiment, very softly at first, to see what it would feel like and discuss the effectiveness, pressure, pain, etc so that we could decide together if these were disciplines that would be effective, safe, and acceptable.
Monday morning, during my pre-emptive spanking, I used both frontal, anal, and bottom discipline. We discussed it later and she explained that the frontal and anal hurts more than the bottom, but that a slow bottom spanking would more likely cause crying. I hope to try this out in her maintenance spanking tonight or tomorrow night. I do not know which night it will be b/c she has a massage scheduled for tonight and if she has it, I don't want to ruin it by giving her a maintenance spanking -- I will do it tomorrow. Her hip, back, and leg have been sore from excersicing lately so I have been a little hesitant to give her a full discipline.
She has been very good in some asepcts of our new life. The house is cleaner than it has EVER been and laundry is usually getting done. She is spending more time with the kids and hopes to start cooking with and for them this week.
She says she is being more respectful to me, but my opinion is that she is being less attacking to me. She is right -- she does not yell or put me down as much, but her natural reaction and tone is not what I would call respectful. It often implies that she thinks I am stupid. She says it is not disrespectful, but she would not talk to a boss at work this way or her parent if she were a child or even to a stranger -- Now, do I want either of these relationships with my wife -- no, but I do sometimes use it as a measuring stick as to whether she is speaking respectfully.
The negatives that are still there are that I think she is slightly disrespectful at times. No laundry was done yesterday b/c she was on the phone literrally all day -- though she had a good reason to be on the phone, it is cordless and she could have done laundry while doing it. She also has not been as "into me" as she was last week. I kind of hate that it takes physical punishment for her to show her affection for me or even the risk of physical punishment. I still haven't wrapped my arms around it. But I am trying. I have wanted to hug, kiss, cuddle with her for as long as I can remember. She acted the same way last week and it was like a dream. I want that back and I want it for the rest of my life. Is beating her really the only way? Attacking her physcially and emotionally?
I know she wants to improve in all aspects of her home life, kids, cleaning, cooking, affection for me. She needs a figuritive kick in the ass and possibly a literal kick in the ass. She is like a drug addict, trying to kick her addiction of laziness. She was lazy in the house, with the kids, and with her love an appreciation for me. She knows this and wants to change it and I love that. She is a lot better with the house, better with the kids, and occasionally better with me.
I may be asking too much, but treating me "not as badly as she used to" is not excatly what I want for my life. I want her to treat me affectionetly and lovingly. I got that last week. But not this week. When she looks at me, the glow of pride and love is not there anymore. . . it is the same it used to be.
Part of this problem is that she has said that I'm a wimp and that she loved the strenght I showed last week. Well 2 problems with that. When I speak to her now as I did then, she laughs a little and says it is not believeable. It is the same as last week, but then it was new and exciting. Also, I don't discipline her enough, but I feel bad for doing it sometimes or she or I are busy with things in our life that do not allow for an hour and a half of discipline. We tried a short version Friday and it did not go as well.
We have discussed the idea of taking baby steps and not expecing her to be like an LDD wife of 10 years after 10 days. We've also discussed that she won't get there unless I am more strict.
I'm open to thoughts of others in this lifestyle.
This week I have given a pre-emptive spanking every day before work and we had sex Monday and Tuesday afterwards (today, I didn't have time for sex. . just the spanking.) Monday, the sex was very good. Tuesday, she was less into it and tired -- but she posted on her blog that it was good to get "connected" by making love after the spankings.
We recieved our ALDD book and I read most of it. The frontal and anal discipline was very interesting -- mainly b/c I would not have thought of it myself due to thinking the frontal would hurt too much and the anal would be no big deal. The book explained very well how to do this safely and effectively. Sunday night, I tried both out on her as an experiment, very softly at first, to see what it would feel like and discuss the effectiveness, pressure, pain, etc so that we could decide together if these were disciplines that would be effective, safe, and acceptable.
Monday morning, during my pre-emptive spanking, I used both frontal, anal, and bottom discipline. We discussed it later and she explained that the frontal and anal hurts more than the bottom, but that a slow bottom spanking would more likely cause crying. I hope to try this out in her maintenance spanking tonight or tomorrow night. I do not know which night it will be b/c she has a massage scheduled for tonight and if she has it, I don't want to ruin it by giving her a maintenance spanking -- I will do it tomorrow. Her hip, back, and leg have been sore from excersicing lately so I have been a little hesitant to give her a full discipline.
She has been very good in some asepcts of our new life. The house is cleaner than it has EVER been and laundry is usually getting done. She is spending more time with the kids and hopes to start cooking with and for them this week.
She says she is being more respectful to me, but my opinion is that she is being less attacking to me. She is right -- she does not yell or put me down as much, but her natural reaction and tone is not what I would call respectful. It often implies that she thinks I am stupid. She says it is not disrespectful, but she would not talk to a boss at work this way or her parent if she were a child or even to a stranger -- Now, do I want either of these relationships with my wife -- no, but I do sometimes use it as a measuring stick as to whether she is speaking respectfully.
The negatives that are still there are that I think she is slightly disrespectful at times. No laundry was done yesterday b/c she was on the phone literrally all day -- though she had a good reason to be on the phone, it is cordless and she could have done laundry while doing it. She also has not been as "into me" as she was last week. I kind of hate that it takes physical punishment for her to show her affection for me or even the risk of physical punishment. I still haven't wrapped my arms around it. But I am trying. I have wanted to hug, kiss, cuddle with her for as long as I can remember. She acted the same way last week and it was like a dream. I want that back and I want it for the rest of my life. Is beating her really the only way? Attacking her physcially and emotionally?
I know she wants to improve in all aspects of her home life, kids, cleaning, cooking, affection for me. She needs a figuritive kick in the ass and possibly a literal kick in the ass. She is like a drug addict, trying to kick her addiction of laziness. She was lazy in the house, with the kids, and with her love an appreciation for me. She knows this and wants to change it and I love that. She is a lot better with the house, better with the kids, and occasionally better with me.
I may be asking too much, but treating me "not as badly as she used to" is not excatly what I want for my life. I want her to treat me affectionetly and lovingly. I got that last week. But not this week. When she looks at me, the glow of pride and love is not there anymore. . . it is the same it used to be.
Part of this problem is that she has said that I'm a wimp and that she loved the strenght I showed last week. Well 2 problems with that. When I speak to her now as I did then, she laughs a little and says it is not believeable. It is the same as last week, but then it was new and exciting. Also, I don't discipline her enough, but I feel bad for doing it sometimes or she or I are busy with things in our life that do not allow for an hour and a half of discipline. We tried a short version Friday and it did not go as well.
We have discussed the idea of taking baby steps and not expecing her to be like an LDD wife of 10 years after 10 days. We've also discussed that she won't get there unless I am more strict.
I'm open to thoughts of others in this lifestyle.
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